So this is the end..

My final week at Nathan Bishop was definitely bittersweet. I felt like I finally came into my own during my time there. I believe it happened because of Jennifer Jerome. She was absolutely amazing and the best CT a student teacher could ask for. I didn't want to say goodbye to her because it was more like playing and hanging out together than working. We understood each other from the beginning and I feel like our time was cut short. I can only send a million thanks to her for all the confidence she helped me find. She is definitely someone I will miss seeing everyday because she made me laugh from the time the day started until 2:45 when the last bell rang. She is definitely someone who I will call for a dinner date during my first year teaching.

As for the kids, I love then all. They drove me crazy right up to the last day, however, I wouldn't have had it any other way. They kept me on my toes the entire time and it only helped me as a teacher. I found my voice so to speak. I learned how important it is to create community as you work your way through the year, as well as a clear set of rules for the students in middle school. Without a clear set of classroom rules and the building of community, I don't think a successful year would happen for myself or the students. I also learned that no matter how many times you give a direction you need to repeat it five times after that. they have their moments but I know as humans we all do and I wouldn't want them any other way.

As for my entire semester- WOW! I feel like I am bursting with stories, happiness, and knowledge. I couldn't have asked for a better profession to be invested in for the rest of my life. I know I belong behind the desk, at the front of the room, and working on my white board handwriting. I know that this is the one thing that puts a smile on my face everyday and also has be hot like lava in my core when people say "gooooood luck being ac teacher". It's not going to be an easy journey but I am willing to take the risks I need in order to grow even more. I love the look on the faces of my students when I teach them something new or when they figure it out on their own.

The biggest reward I received this year has been my time with the students at Central High School. Last night I had the opportunity to chaperone their Senior Prom. The amount of love I received through hugs and pictures was overwhelming. I couldn't have asked for a better learning experience with a better group of students. The respect they have for me is within equal amounts that I have for them. I consider each and every one of them my children having been the teacher of just about all the seniors at Central.

This semester has left will with nothing but positivity and optimism. I feel I can take on the world and I definitely plan to do just so. I've met amazing people, hopefully future colleagues, and I've become a mentor to many. I am so thankful for my student teaching experience, my classmates for all support, and my family. I never gave up because they never gave up on me.

My first field trip...as a teacher.

Last Thursday was my first field trip as a teacher. I had no idea what I was signing myself up for. A trip to RISD seemed harmless. Who would have thought I would be dying for food, water, and a chair.

The students on the Silver Team were going to the RISD museum in Providence and I was invited to go. They were going for their social studies class. I felt honored to be invited to attend the trip. I was also excited to hang out with my CT outside of the classroom.

Sadly, my CT has two seventh grade classes that she could not receive coverage for and because of that she was not able to go. Ms. Burns on the field trip all on her own. Who would be my buddy? Who would I learn from? Let’s face it this was a learning experience for me. I don't know how to take kids on a field trip. I was in for a treat.

By 10:00 I was ready for a comfortable chair, a coffee, and some food in my system. I could only imagine how the kids were feeling. Thankfully, the group of students I spent most of my day with were excellent. Of course, they had their moments, but I couldn’t have been happier with them.

There were a few students who thought they could do whatever they wanted because they were on a field trip and it was a gateway to no work. Mr. Audette knew this would happen, which is why he planned for each visit to include a small activity for the students. Had I known this I would have brushed up on my history- I truly hope I helped the students rather than hurt them.

Overall, the trip was a great way to get to know my students on a more personal level. At one point a student who I do not teach asked if she could transfer into my class. I had a lot of fun with them on the bus and waiting for each exhibit to allow us to enter.

The trip was definitely a success. It helped me see how much work really goes into a field trip and how hard teachers need to hold it together. If the teacher loses it then the whole trip will end up in chaos.

Only a few pages left of my chapter...

The final two weeks of student teaching...

I need to keep asking myself if this is real life? Am I really almost done with this crazy ride? It makes me really sad to think I am but it also makes me really happy because I will soon have my own class and my own set of students.

I consider the students I have now my students, however, they aren't mine. They have been my middle school students for the past 4 weeks but that is only 4 weeks. I truly cannot wait to have my set of students come September.

With that said, I never thought I would make it through to the students in the middle school. It has been a rocky roller coaster ride but I finally saw their love for me this week.

When I mentioned to all three of my classes that I would be joining them on their field trip to RISD on Thursday, May 2, 2013, I received a standing ovation because the students were so excited. I'm not sure what to expect when Thursday does come. My memories of field trips with teachers in school are not horrible, however, I never bothered with the teachers. I am very much okay with a nice day away from the school with the faculty and students but if I happen to get to know more about my students during that time I surely won'y be mad.

During my time at Nathan Bishop I have found that middle school might be my calling. As much as I love my high school students, I have found out that I am very much suited for the middle school atmosphere. I would enjoy maybe having a slightly older age group like 8th grade. I feel like maybe having 8th grade students I could be in my element but also preparing the students for high school. That was one thing I enjoyed about my seniors- helping them and preparing them for college.

I can't believe it has come and gone so fast but I am excited for student teaching to be over. I feel like I still have more to learn as a teacher but I feel as though I will only learn what I am lacking in the field. I have taken so much from both of my cooperating teachers; more so in the middle school because I didn't knwo what to expect.

I only have a few pages left before I move on to the next chapter in my life and I am just so thankful for my middle school experience because it has taught me that I am a great teacher with great ideas and I should be confident.

What seems right doesn't feel right.

This week was kind of rough.

Monday - I attempted to teach. After first period I was on my way out the door. My immune system decided to fail me to the point where 1 questions from my student had me seeing black spots.

Tuesday - Another sick day. "Thankfully" the students were grade testing so I wouldn't have been able to teach anyway. Although I say thankfully, I think grade testing should just go away. When my CT told me her son (6 years old) had to take his first grade test this year in first grade my heart melted. I felt so bad for him because he is only in first grade! The thought of having first graders filling out bubble sheets frightens me.

Wednesday - ANOTHER GRADE TESTING DAY! SO, not only are the students grade testing but they are doing it for two days!

Thursday - Finally my time to get back to basics...I was terribly wrong. My students had completely shut down by Thursday. The first thing I did was a check in on their behavior with the substitute. I had received a very unhappy not when I returned, which made me a very unhappy camper. For the past few weeks I've been trying to teach my students what respect is. This has been my biggest challenge thus far. They are at the age where they think they know it all. Although they think they know everything, they have little knowledge about what it means to be respectful. I definitely know it is because of their age. I just find myself feeling defeated every time a class leaves my room. My CT has told me time and time again that I am doing a good job but I don't feel like I'm doing a good job.

Friday - Friday finally came and it took everything in me not to run out of the school in tears. One of my students (who doesn't like to participate, hands in no homework, class clown) said, "Ms. Burns you're turning into a mean teacher." I had to pause before I responded to the student. I first wanted to say you haven't seen mean. I knew that would be a move that would never come from someone like me. I simply responded with, "Until I see that you folks can have fun in a mature way then I guess it will seem like I am the 'mean teacher' because I don't see what I know I have asking of you and teaching you."

I don't want to be known as the mean teacher. I am the fun teacher who likes to perform carousel activities and use active learning. Every time I try to incorporate a piece of active learning their are students who ruin it. I'm finding it hard trying to deal with this natural disaster. I use the term natural disaster because it is bound to happen (there is no stopping this) in the classroom and as a teacher who plans how they want their day to go it is a disaster when things don't goes as planned.

I've tried to make it fun by including classroom points for all three of my 6th grade classes. The class to reach 20 points by Wednesday will receive a party on Thursday of this week. Some are all for the points. Others have the "it doesn't matter we're going to lose" attitude. I have given them the points and all they have to do is show me they want to keep the points for the day. 5 points are given with 3 X's. The 5 points are given to them based on being: Respectful, Reliable, Collaboration, Giving 110%, and Taking Ownership. Each time I see that we are lacking in one of the areas I take an X away. If they have all 3 X's they get a full point. If they have 2 X's they receive a 1/2 point. If they have 1 X they receive no points. The first day this worked really well. Now I'm wondering if this was the right approach to take.

I guess I feel I'm lacking in the confidence factor of classroom management. Although my CT is telling my what I'm doing is right, it doesn't FEEL right to me.

Be Bold

It has been two weeks at NBMS and I am loving the relationship I have with my CT. It's kind of funny because I am her first student teacher and she is my first CT for the middle school. Yes, I've been with other CT in the middle school but she is the first that I see day in and day out. She is a teacher by day and an amazing mom by night. I give her so much credit for all she does. I felt the need this week to take a little time out of my TC life and dedicate some appreciation to her.

Mrs. Jerome is not your average 6th grade teacher. She went back for her teacher degree after majoring in fashion. She told me recently that fashion wasn't a career where helping people mattered. She lived the fashion life for a very short time until she decided she wanted to help people. It's funny and ironic because that's why I wanted to become a teacher. I wanted to help people. Not just the people that needed help but also the people who didn't think they needed help.

Although we spend a lot of our time working separately, Mrs. Jerome and I are getting to know each other day by day. This week she took a hit pretty hard from the head of the department about her 7th grade literacy class. The class has quite a few behavioral issues and Monday was the day she reached a break through! The students were working and quiet! All thanks to a little bit of music. At one point the school social worker and assistant principal came in to drop something off to my CT. They were happy with the students and their hard work. The class is a double block literacy class. IT can be somewhat draining for the students because of the block. Two periods of grammar would drive anyone at their age a little crazy.

When it came time for our prep period, Mrs. Jerome and I were visited by the department head. She wanted to give my CT "kudos" for the behavior of the students. At the beginning of the year the department head came in to help teach the students about respect to improve their behavior. We were both pleased to hear this, however, it wasn't all good news. The song that was playing while the students were working wasn't a song the assistant principal would have chosen. The radio was on 92.3fm which is a very reliable station with no swearing. Both my CT and I were a little confused at all of this.

Just after the department head left I could see the defeat in my CT's eyes. She then told me about the horrible news she received over the weekend about a friend from high school that had passed in a car accident. I couldn't believe she not only came to school but also didn't breakdown after the surprise meeting. I couldn't help but tell her about my brother and his struggles as a teacher with administration. I could see a little light in her eyes but just barely.

For the rest of the week I tried really hard to break the wall a little more between my CT and I. By Wednesday we had both been able to have a little bit of laughs and share a little more of who we were. It came as a surprise to me when she told her I was a confident person. I like to pretend that I am a confident person and somewhat confident teacher but I don't think it shows as much as I would like it to. When she told me it showed in both my overall personality and as a teacher I couldn't thank her enough. She then voiced to me about her insecurities about being a CT. I told she was doing a great job and no matter what we're in it together! It's so funny to me because I thought I was the only one with the insecurities at this point but I was wrong. We both mentioned we were merely doing what felt natural to us. I like to think it has been working out well for us.

Not only is my CT a great teacher but she is also a great mom. She is there for her two sons all the time. She tells me all the crazy stories her oldest does and says being 6 years old. He sounds like the type of kid I'd want to hang with for a day. I recently met her youngest and I can't help but want to put him in a swing and push him all day. She seems like the type to have it together but she is constantly telling me she doesn't.

I like to think this semester is going to really shape not only myself but also my CT. I feel like we are both going to be there for each other in very different ways. I hope that I will learn from her skills and that she will take away some of the confidence I never knew showed. Not only do I think we are a great match in the classroom but in general I can be myself around her. We have the same sense of humor and style. Our laugh is probably the funniest thing the students have heard separately and not together they can't get enough of it. Finally, they think we are related. When she told one of our sixth graders, "You only think we're related because we're two white ladies with curly hair" I knew it was meant to be.

EMBRACE CHANGE!

This week was definitely a week revolving around change; change in school, setting, and grade. I managed to leap from 12th to 6th grade in one weekend!

The setting at Nathan Bishop is very welcoming. This is the first school where I now eat with other teachers. I like to think this will be the school that helps me learn how to collaborate and communicate with my colleagues. This school is also going to be a huge change for me due to the timing of the periods. Coming from 88 minute block periods is one of the first jumps I will need to master; I now have about 50 minutes with each of my classes. Who gets anything done in 50 minutes?

The second jump I will need to make has to do with the grade I am teaching; I am now a 6th grade English teacher. I already know that this will be the biggest challenge for the rest of my student teaching experience. My classroom management was made easy with my last group of students because they were seniors. One look at my seniors and they knew I meant business. Now, I need to change my entire outlook on classroom management. I'm willing to make that change, however, I'm not one for raising my voice or yelling. I've already had a few moments this past week. My CT already has me leading classroom discussions and readings and I think is it extremely helpful. I know she is doing it so I can begin showing my voice to the students. It will make for an easier transition when I take over all 3 of her 6th grade classes.

I'm both excited and slightly nervous about my second part of student teaching. I know the next few weeks will be considered my assessment as a teacher. Yes, I had a voice in the high school, however, the students were older and had a mature respect for me. I now need to teach respect to my classes. They are at the age where respect needs to be taught and modeled.

This placement is also crucial for both the teacher and the student because it is the grade and age where students begin to form "good" and "bad" habits in school. What the students display next year will be a direct reflection on me as a person and a teacher. I consider that to be a huge anxiety builder and a large amount of pressure on my shoulders.

The only thing I can do over the next six weeks is not let them see me sweat, stick to my plan, and use my voice.
Challenge ACCEPTED!

Descriptive Review & my little star

When I first learned about the Descriptive Review I was familiar with it but on a different level. When I read and assess the work I receive from my students I read it more than once. I first read it to just read what they have given me. I then go back and make corrections where I think my students need help. The Descriptive Review is slightly similar, however, there is a group and there is no correcting. When I brought Julie's foldable to class on Thursday I knew we were going to be looking at her work but I didn't know how we would be looking at it. My classmates looked at Julie's work and pointed out some very interesting thoughts. Some of the comments they made were. "struggle with the portrayal of women, it's okay to be you, and intuitive". I have known Julie to be intuitive but not really struggling with the portrayal of women until now. I can see where it might be an issue because Julie is a little peanut. She's not the typical 5'5" with blue eyes and blonde hair. Julie is the 5'0" brown hair brown eyes. She's small but she is extremely big because of her intuition. Although Friday was my last day at Central, I made sure to give Julie the best goodbye. She was the first to really welcome be out of all the girls in the class and I think that means something. Maybe her she is struggling with the portrayal of women, however, she isn't struggling with the human race. She is accepting, welcoming, and humble; someone I will miss until I see them again.

My little star

What can I say about my Julie? I can start by saying she is always in class and never late.She's the smallest student in both of my classes. She comes in a just about 5 feet with the biggest smile everyday. I can always look to her for a good giggle too. She's a jeans and sweater kind of girl. Although she is a casual dresser, she recently had her senior presentation, which she dressed very professionally for. Her glasses are never left at home. Her eye make-up is always flawless. She's always in sneakers or flats but never heels. She is also a very family oriented person. Brothers, sisters, Mom, and Dad are extremely important to her. That is probabaly why she is nice to all the students in the class. She never mouths off to me or her peers. She is extremely timid and soft spoken but she speaks when it is time to share. She volunteers for almost every one of our discussions in class. She will read when called on but she usually doesn't volunteer when it comes to that. Her homework is always completed and her assignments are handed in on time. When in a group she is the task master. Occasionally she will get off task but it is due to the 88 minute classes at Central. I know I can look to her during at any time in a lesson and receive a smale and a well developed thought or question based on the lesson. When it comes to writing, Julie is definitely a student who tries. English isn't her first language but she never gives up. She talks my comments and works with them to develop a new piece of writing.Julie would like to attend RISD but is concerned about the tuition. She loves drawing and sketching. She plans on attending CCRI and then wants to transfer to RISD. She has a bright future ahead of her. I can tell becasue she going to do well in college because of her determination. Once she knows something is expected of her she accepts the challenge and rises to the occasion. Her essays have been written well but a piece of advice I find myself always giving her is to read the writing outloud. It has been a pleasure having her in class and I am going to miss her when I leave.

Try new things

I now know the week after vacation is extremely long. Also, the week is what you make of it. We did a lot of work with internal and external conflict this week. My students really seemed to get what it meant to have an inner conflict with the self and an outer conflict with another individual. Thursday was fun because I had my students work on their code of chivalry according to gender (girl code and guy code). They some fun with creating their codes and working with their peers. They didn't know I was going to have them perform a Socratic seminar based on their creations. The girls were prepared for battle. The boys definitely needed some help. The girls were able to defend and reflect on what was being said. The boys were at a loss for words. They did a great job with listening and speaking to each other, giving respect, and supporting each other. We were able to make it through part three of Sir Gawain and change up our discussion on Friday. I really wanted to focus on what it means to be human. I decided to give them a short prompt to respond to for homework. The prompt was a short piece from Ellie Goulding. She has a great song called "Human' that I think my students really enjoyed. I also wanted them to create their own individual code. They needed to come up with 5 rules they follow in their lives. Our writing and discussion on being human, making mistakes, and appreciation was beyond moving. I felt like they were college freshman just getting their feet wet. I was so proud of them and how serious they were during class. They thoroughly enjoyed the video on appreciation, which I first saw in one of my college classes last semester. My high school seniors, doing college work, who wouldn't be proud?! I think it really shows just how much a student can accomplish when you believe in them. If you give them enough rope and enough encouragement, they really can accomplish anything. The expectations I have for my students will never change. The tools and helpful ideas will absolutely change depending on the topic and lesson, however, I will never just leave them out to dry. They know I want them to do it on their own but I will always be there to help them. I decided to take a shot in the dark with my seniors and it worked out in the end. They want to do more with the idea of being human, identity, and meditation in order to clear the mind. My plan for next week is getting through part 4 of Sir Gawain and giving my students more options. It seems like they are capable of really looking as a situation and determining their own path. I my come up with 2 options for them and they will decide what path we should take that day. This is definitely risky because they are still in high school but I think to think the amount of respect I give them reflects their maturity. They know not to abuse that respect. I guess what I want to say is TRY NEW THINGS WITH YOUR STUDENTS!

This is your time!

Vacation will definitely get you side tracked...hence why I haven't posted in quite some time. Very sorry about that. What I'm not sorry about is taking a great text/film like The Hunger Games and connecting it to Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. The week before vacation was a little crazy due to the snow day and large amount of students absent. I made the best of it though. I told the students at the beginning of the week that I knew they were anxious about vacation but we still needed to press on with our unit. Oddly enough they didn't fight me about it. I truly think I have the best seniors at Central High School. At the beginning of the week we began working on claims/thesis statements. The students were asked to generate their own thesis statement based on their homework/outside of class reading. They have been assigned multiple chapters from Walter Dean Myers, Autobiography of my Dead Brother. The connection to gangs and chivalry are the rope that tie Myers and Sir Gawain together. I wanted to give the students a baseline assignment for my SLO- write and support a claim. We used comic strips to generate a general claim (thesis statement) and the evidence (textual support) we would need to support that claim. The students did AMAZING! They were able to come up with the general theme of the comics (thesis statement)and used the actions in the pictures as their support for that theme (textual evidence). One of the first comics we looked at had a very happy theme. They were able to identify that theme immediately. I then asked them WHY they knew the pictures had a happy theme. They began shouting out their reasons while I wrote them on the board. We discussed why each of the actions in the picture support our theme (thesis statement). I then gave them another set of comic strips and told them we would do it together. Once they received the copy of the comic strip they were on fire. I was definitely not needed the second time around. We then put the practice to work with an actual text. I gave them a reading and asked for them to come up with a thesis statement based on the social group from Myers book. We worked on this for the rest of the week developing a thesis and finding the support one needs for their thesis. I gave them Thursday and part of Friday to develop essays around the Myers reading. I just asked that they do their best with the amount of instruction they had received. I would then look them over during vacation and give them feedback. My next step is allowing them to edit and revise based on my feedback. Although it was a shortened week and I was all about business, I still wanted to give the students a little fun. Friday we looked at The Hunger Games. I told them I wanted them to think about Sir Gawain and the connection her has to Katniss Everdeen. They are quite similar in a very unique way. They also have their differences. I gave the students an organizer to fill out while watching the fill. I remember high school films and how it really meant nap time. I couldn't believe the amount of focus and participation they gave me during our oral recall of the film. They were hooked. Unfortunately we weren't able to finish the film. They haven't stopped asking me about finishing it either. I only have 12 more days at Central High School and it is making me extremely sad. My students have been with me since the beginning of the second semester and every day they beg me to stay. I've received quite a few money offers this week. It is a bittersweet request because I don't want to leave them but I'm also not their teacher. I fear that they've become too attached and I hope they continue to do well even after I leave. Alas, right now and the next 12 days is what I consider MY TIME! I'm staying extremely humble and trying not to cry when they say things like, "Ms. Burns you can't leave us. You just wanted to tease us by being here." I love my students and I hope they know I'm always here for them. They are preparing for college and I like to think I have been helping them with that. They may not go to college and they may just go into the work field, however, I know they are going to be successful. As individuals, not as student, as individuals I could not be more proud than I am of them today.

My only promise is I'll never ruin the young.

"My teacher's so cool and she writes so professionally. Really looking forward to having her as a teacher." This was the response from one of my students after day one of the new semester. Week 3 was absolutely AMAZING! I'm hoping that week one is a sign for positive weeks to come! Monday was spent building community in the classroom. A great way to break the ice with a new semester in the middle of the school year is with "10 Things About Me". The students clearly know each other because it is no February, however, I don't know them. My goal was to pick a fun activity to get them talking to each other and keep the day mellow. We presented our 10 facts and had a great deal of laughs. I made sure to include both professional and personal facts. I want the students to know I'm still human. The next activity was closer related to the text, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. The objective for the students was to make a connection between our name and reputation to the code of chivalry. The students were engaged and excited about the activity. Overall, day one was fabulous. Wednesday was a very important day for me as a teacher candidate. My first observation with my CT and supervisor happened on the third day of my unit. Period one still had sleep in their eyes but I was ready! We started with a bit of active learning. Performing a Lupe Fiasco Emotional Journey really highlighted just how crazy I am as a teacher. I'd like to mention that I now feel at home with my new students so there is no holding back. After my mini song and dance (students were shocked) we dove into characterization. The lesson went well for the most part. Students were reading the remainder of part one for Sir Gawain. The objective of their reading was to find specific lines involving characterization. We will be using those lines later in the unit. Once I finished teaching, it was time for me to do some learning. As I sat with my CT and supervisor, I saw where the mortar to my lesson was lacking. It was clear that my bricks (ideas) were solid and mapped out extremely well. My transitions were lacking, however, it is common at this time for that to happen. I learned that I just need to trust my planning and my ideas. The mortar (transition) is extremely important at this point in time because I am shaping my teacher self. Many experienced teachers are able to rack their teacher brains and just know what they are going to do with their class. I, however, need to work on building my teacher brain. The reflection really helped me understand my strengths as a teacher and where I need to set my goals. The week was short lived due to Blizzard Nemo. I am excited to dive back into the text this week. Tuesday we return to Sir Gawain. This week I'm hoping to bring in more media. I'm looking to bring in more film clips, maybe some different school performances of Sir Gawain.

Have an open mind

Week 2...hm. Where do I start? Week 2 started on a good note. My students seemed to enjoy the help I was giving them but I didn't really see it. I like to think it was because of the end of the semester crash. If the students weren't stressing about their final grade then they weren't stressing about anything. Majority of the week was based on missing assignments, preparing them for the exams, and final revisions on research seminar papers. It was a very stressful week for my CT and the rest of the faculty. I found that the students were very sassy in both the classrooms and the hallways. I tried to remember one of Don Miguel's four agreements, "Don't take it personally". Trying and doing are two completely different things. Wednesday was the day for the British Literature exam. I found it extremely hard to pull back from helping the students. When I see a student in need I want to help. I tried to focus my attention on preparing my unit for the upcoming semester but also being aware of the surroundings in the classroom. I wanted to make sure eyes were designated to their own papers. There were a few times I needed to clarify a specific word for the students. During the exam my CT told me she would be out on Thursday. She said she would leave a lesson plan for me and it was up to me whether I wanted to follow it or try something new. I decided to try something new. Biggest mistake... Note to self: when an exam has happened, the students do not want to learn anymore. Whoever decided to have a semester end on a Wednesday was not made aware of this. I went into school on Thursday with my head held high and a bright smile. I wanted to really get the students thinking about who they are. Not even five minutes into the period and I wanted to lock myself in the bathroom. The students had completely shut down and refused to listen to the teacher candidate. I felt the failure coming up from my stomach. With one more period before my prep/lunch period I didn't know what to do with myself. When my prep period finally came I took a moment to sit in silence. I then realized how lonely that silence was. I tried doing some preparations for my unit that would begin on Monday but I couldn't see past the comments and remarks from the British Literature students. The next action I took was probably the best and worst. I grabbed my phone in search of wisdom: I sent my mom a text. Unfortunately, her response generated a flow of emotion causing me to shed some tears in the classroom. I quickly pulled myself together and walked to the mirror by the window. I dried my eyes and said out loud, "You is kind, you is smart, you is beautiful" (The Help). The remainder of my Thursday was less than positive, however, I left my defeat at that mirror. When I woke up Friday morning I reminded myself that I cannot take anything personal. Friday was a better day because the school was filled with parties and no exams. A few of the students really wanted to hear my thoughts on college and the real world. I gave them the best advice I possibly could. I hoped that they would take everything I had to say and learn from it. Week 2 really wasn't the best week. Maybe it was the stress of the exams or the end of the semester. Whatever the case may be I am extremely glad that the week is behind me. The beginning of my unit it where my concentration shall be. Getting to know my students is where my heart will be. Incorporating technology and modern ideas for my new students it where my head will be. Dwelling on the week 2 that sent me into a defeated world is NOT where I will be.

Throw caution to the wind!

Week one - Check. Week one feelings - still undecided. My first week of student teaching was similar to a roller coaster ride. With high emotions and anticipation I walked into Central High School on Tuesday morning with an open mind. I also walked into an office of puzzled looking staff. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" was my greeting on my first day. Once I was able to clear my name and reasoning for being in the school so early with two hour delay I was on my way to My CTs classroom. When I entered Ms. Jackson's classroom I couldn't help but smile. I knew This classroom was going to be my home for the next several weeks. She welcomed me and gave me room to put my things away. She also put me right to work on her word wall. I began defining words the students would need to know for our dive into Orwell's 1984. Around 8:30 we began my tour. I was able to meet the neighbors of our wing and get a little "teacher chat" in for the morning. Majority of the teachers I met on the Tuesday morning we welcoming and positive individuals. I like to think it was because they knew it was my first day. My tour continued throughout the day and I learned a lot about the school and the administration. I was happy with the amount I had learned but I really wanted to see the students and get a feel for the classroom. Sadly, We didn't spend anytime in her classroom until last period. Both Research Seminars that Ms. Jackson teaches are held in the computer lab. I should also mention that both classes are 100% different. Period one is completely quiet and small. She has about 11 students in the class on a good attendance day. Her third period class, which is also lunch period, is filled with 28 students. This class is where I find my patience will be tested for the next week. I should probably mention that Central High School seniors follow a semester schedule. From September to February they are in select classes. As of February first I will have three completely new classes. My schedule will be filled with two British Literature course and one Research Seminar course. This is where my anxiety kicks in. February first is going to mirror the first day of school. The students will come into class and I will be the person in charge. I will be the one setting the tone for the rest of the year. Although I know how to approach specific situations, my fear is that I won't set the right tone. I've walked into many classrooms where the tone and expectations have been set and are followed with a great deal of respect. I have always appreciated that about my previous visits to classrooms. I am now the one who has to do the community work and it is a very overwhelming feeling. I didn't realize how nervous I would be about this change until now. However, I am not doubting myself. I know I can do it because I have been trained by the best professors to know what approach to take. My fear could also be coming from the lacking community I have witnessed from some of the teachers in the school. It wasn't until my third and fourth day that I noticed a somewhat divide and conquer atmosphere. I haven't heard much about a common planning time for the English department as a whole. Sadly, I've heard more of a separate approach to planning by grade level. This worries me because I would like to have a good relationship with the entire English department. As much as I enjoy my time with my CT, I would like to hear what happens in other English classrooms. I'm not sure if the dividing of the grade levels is the right way to create a community and collaborate among the teachers. I fear that the students notice the lack of community. Although I have my worries about the community and structure of the school I can't let that affect my energy in the classroom. I'm a real wacko truth be told. Anything and everything that I can do to keep the students engaged will happen. I think that is where my energy will come from. Student engagement and connection are going to be crucial to my teaching. Reflection is also going to be held on a high scale. Not the type of reflection where we say what we learned. We can't forget how we felt or what is reminded us of. I now know that I am the hopeful English teacher. I am the teacher that smiles even if one student gives me a head nod in the hallway. I am the English teacher that hopes she will find some substance in a classroom full of nonreaders. I am the English teacher who gets excited when a students asks for my help with their thesis. I am the English teacher that will praise The Hunger Games until the end of time. I am the English teacher that spent her weekend revising a first draft for a student who knows that her grades are important. I want to be the English teacher the students know they can go to for more than just an English question. My energy is going to come from helping my students.