Rebirth

As a teacher who does not have children of her own I often find myself pushing my students harder to think about topics involving race, gender, sexuality, and religion. Monday I gave my students time to express their concerns involving the shooting in Orlando. Our discussion was in fact deep. Many of my students couldn't wrap their heads around why someone would commit such an act of hate and violence. After the discussion settled I asked my students to write freely about whether or not they believe we have made any gains towards acceptance in the United States over the last 5-10 years.

Our own children know we have not made any gains and are horrified by what is happening on a daily basis in society. A society they are evolving in. Deciding what to do and who to be in the world. As cliche as it sounds, children are our future. They are mimicking what they are told, what they see, and what they learn from others and through social media. Such delicate creatures are looking to everyone in the world now...not just their parents. Every single person is analyzed.

If we can't come together as adults and shape up then why should children try and fix the mistakes that have been made.

Many of the children in the world today are confused and scared. More importantly children are angry and yet we instantly shut them out and tell them they don't understand so they can't make comments about such raw and real topics.

I ask you all as adults to please stop shutting children out and start talking to them. Have conversations with them. Eventually they will need to be able to stomach what is happening in the world and make hard decisions because they will be an adult. They are going to be a voice that others will eventually look up to. If we do not teach them acceptance at the most impressionable stage in life; who will?

The people causing the mistakes could very well be the answer to that question.

So this is the end..

My final week at Nathan Bishop was definitely bittersweet. I felt like I finally came into my own during my time there. I believe it happened because of Jennifer Jerome. She was absolutely amazing and the best CT a student teacher could ask for. I didn't want to say goodbye to her because it was more like playing and hanging out together than working. We understood each other from the beginning and I feel like our time was cut short. I can only send a million thanks to her for all the confidence she helped me find. She is definitely someone I will miss seeing everyday because she made me laugh from the time the day started until 2:45 when the last bell rang. She is definitely someone who I will call for a dinner date during my first year teaching.

As for the kids, I love then all. They drove me crazy right up to the last day, however, I wouldn't have had it any other way. They kept me on my toes the entire time and it only helped me as a teacher. I found my voice so to speak. I learned how important it is to create community as you work your way through the year, as well as a clear set of rules for the students in middle school. Without a clear set of classroom rules and the building of community, I don't think a successful year would happen for myself or the students. I also learned that no matter how many times you give a direction you need to repeat it five times after that. they have their moments but I know as humans we all do and I wouldn't want them any other way.

As for my entire semester- WOW! I feel like I am bursting with stories, happiness, and knowledge. I couldn't have asked for a better profession to be invested in for the rest of my life. I know I belong behind the desk, at the front of the room, and working on my white board handwriting. I know that this is the one thing that puts a smile on my face everyday and also has be hot like lava in my core when people say "gooooood luck being ac teacher". It's not going to be an easy journey but I am willing to take the risks I need in order to grow even more. I love the look on the faces of my students when I teach them something new or when they figure it out on their own.

The biggest reward I received this year has been my time with the students at Central High School. Last night I had the opportunity to chaperone their Senior Prom. The amount of love I received through hugs and pictures was overwhelming. I couldn't have asked for a better learning experience with a better group of students. The respect they have for me is within equal amounts that I have for them. I consider each and every one of them my children having been the teacher of just about all the seniors at Central.

This semester has left will with nothing but positivity and optimism. I feel I can take on the world and I definitely plan to do just so. I've met amazing people, hopefully future colleagues, and I've become a mentor to many. I am so thankful for my student teaching experience, my classmates for all support, and my family. I never gave up because they never gave up on me.

My first field trip...as a teacher.

Last Thursday was my first field trip as a teacher. I had no idea what I was signing myself up for. A trip to RISD seemed harmless. Who would have thought I would be dying for food, water, and a chair.

The students on the Silver Team were going to the RISD museum in Providence and I was invited to go. They were going for their social studies class. I felt honored to be invited to attend the trip. I was also excited to hang out with my CT outside of the classroom.

Sadly, my CT has two seventh grade classes that she could not receive coverage for and because of that she was not able to go. Ms. Burns on the field trip all on her own. Who would be my buddy? Who would I learn from? Let’s face it this was a learning experience for me. I don't know how to take kids on a field trip. I was in for a treat.

By 10:00 I was ready for a comfortable chair, a coffee, and some food in my system. I could only imagine how the kids were feeling. Thankfully, the group of students I spent most of my day with were excellent. Of course, they had their moments, but I couldn’t have been happier with them.

There were a few students who thought they could do whatever they wanted because they were on a field trip and it was a gateway to no work. Mr. Audette knew this would happen, which is why he planned for each visit to include a small activity for the students. Had I known this I would have brushed up on my history- I truly hope I helped the students rather than hurt them.

Overall, the trip was a great way to get to know my students on a more personal level. At one point a student who I do not teach asked if she could transfer into my class. I had a lot of fun with them on the bus and waiting for each exhibit to allow us to enter.

The trip was definitely a success. It helped me see how much work really goes into a field trip and how hard teachers need to hold it together. If the teacher loses it then the whole trip will end up in chaos.

Only a few pages left of my chapter...

The final two weeks of student teaching...

I need to keep asking myself if this is real life? Am I really almost done with this crazy ride? It makes me really sad to think I am but it also makes me really happy because I will soon have my own class and my own set of students.

I consider the students I have now my students, however, they aren't mine. They have been my middle school students for the past 4 weeks but that is only 4 weeks. I truly cannot wait to have my set of students come September.

With that said, I never thought I would make it through to the students in the middle school. It has been a rocky roller coaster ride but I finally saw their love for me this week.

When I mentioned to all three of my classes that I would be joining them on their field trip to RISD on Thursday, May 2, 2013, I received a standing ovation because the students were so excited. I'm not sure what to expect when Thursday does come. My memories of field trips with teachers in school are not horrible, however, I never bothered with the teachers. I am very much okay with a nice day away from the school with the faculty and students but if I happen to get to know more about my students during that time I surely won'y be mad.

During my time at Nathan Bishop I have found that middle school might be my calling. As much as I love my high school students, I have found out that I am very much suited for the middle school atmosphere. I would enjoy maybe having a slightly older age group like 8th grade. I feel like maybe having 8th grade students I could be in my element but also preparing the students for high school. That was one thing I enjoyed about my seniors- helping them and preparing them for college.

I can't believe it has come and gone so fast but I am excited for student teaching to be over. I feel like I still have more to learn as a teacher but I feel as though I will only learn what I am lacking in the field. I have taken so much from both of my cooperating teachers; more so in the middle school because I didn't knwo what to expect.

I only have a few pages left before I move on to the next chapter in my life and I am just so thankful for my middle school experience because it has taught me that I am a great teacher with great ideas and I should be confident.

What seems right doesn't feel right.

This week was kind of rough.

Monday - I attempted to teach. After first period I was on my way out the door. My immune system decided to fail me to the point where 1 questions from my student had me seeing black spots.

Tuesday - Another sick day. "Thankfully" the students were grade testing so I wouldn't have been able to teach anyway. Although I say thankfully, I think grade testing should just go away. When my CT told me her son (6 years old) had to take his first grade test this year in first grade my heart melted. I felt so bad for him because he is only in first grade! The thought of having first graders filling out bubble sheets frightens me.

Wednesday - ANOTHER GRADE TESTING DAY! SO, not only are the students grade testing but they are doing it for two days!

Thursday - Finally my time to get back to basics...I was terribly wrong. My students had completely shut down by Thursday. The first thing I did was a check in on their behavior with the substitute. I had received a very unhappy not when I returned, which made me a very unhappy camper. For the past few weeks I've been trying to teach my students what respect is. This has been my biggest challenge thus far. They are at the age where they think they know it all. Although they think they know everything, they have little knowledge about what it means to be respectful. I definitely know it is because of their age. I just find myself feeling defeated every time a class leaves my room. My CT has told me time and time again that I am doing a good job but I don't feel like I'm doing a good job.

Friday - Friday finally came and it took everything in me not to run out of the school in tears. One of my students (who doesn't like to participate, hands in no homework, class clown) said, "Ms. Burns you're turning into a mean teacher." I had to pause before I responded to the student. I first wanted to say you haven't seen mean. I knew that would be a move that would never come from someone like me. I simply responded with, "Until I see that you folks can have fun in a mature way then I guess it will seem like I am the 'mean teacher' because I don't see what I know I have asking of you and teaching you."

I don't want to be known as the mean teacher. I am the fun teacher who likes to perform carousel activities and use active learning. Every time I try to incorporate a piece of active learning their are students who ruin it. I'm finding it hard trying to deal with this natural disaster. I use the term natural disaster because it is bound to happen (there is no stopping this) in the classroom and as a teacher who plans how they want their day to go it is a disaster when things don't goes as planned.

I've tried to make it fun by including classroom points for all three of my 6th grade classes. The class to reach 20 points by Wednesday will receive a party on Thursday of this week. Some are all for the points. Others have the "it doesn't matter we're going to lose" attitude. I have given them the points and all they have to do is show me they want to keep the points for the day. 5 points are given with 3 X's. The 5 points are given to them based on being: Respectful, Reliable, Collaboration, Giving 110%, and Taking Ownership. Each time I see that we are lacking in one of the areas I take an X away. If they have all 3 X's they get a full point. If they have 2 X's they receive a 1/2 point. If they have 1 X they receive no points. The first day this worked really well. Now I'm wondering if this was the right approach to take.

I guess I feel I'm lacking in the confidence factor of classroom management. Although my CT is telling my what I'm doing is right, it doesn't FEEL right to me.

Be Bold

It has been two weeks at NBMS and I am loving the relationship I have with my CT. It's kind of funny because I am her first student teacher and she is my first CT for the middle school. Yes, I've been with other CT in the middle school but she is the first that I see day in and day out. She is a teacher by day and an amazing mom by night. I give her so much credit for all she does. I felt the need this week to take a little time out of my TC life and dedicate some appreciation to her.

Mrs. Jerome is not your average 6th grade teacher. She went back for her teacher degree after majoring in fashion. She told me recently that fashion wasn't a career where helping people mattered. She lived the fashion life for a very short time until she decided she wanted to help people. It's funny and ironic because that's why I wanted to become a teacher. I wanted to help people. Not just the people that needed help but also the people who didn't think they needed help.

Although we spend a lot of our time working separately, Mrs. Jerome and I are getting to know each other day by day. This week she took a hit pretty hard from the head of the department about her 7th grade literacy class. The class has quite a few behavioral issues and Monday was the day she reached a break through! The students were working and quiet! All thanks to a little bit of music. At one point the school social worker and assistant principal came in to drop something off to my CT. They were happy with the students and their hard work. The class is a double block literacy class. IT can be somewhat draining for the students because of the block. Two periods of grammar would drive anyone at their age a little crazy.

When it came time for our prep period, Mrs. Jerome and I were visited by the department head. She wanted to give my CT "kudos" for the behavior of the students. At the beginning of the year the department head came in to help teach the students about respect to improve their behavior. We were both pleased to hear this, however, it wasn't all good news. The song that was playing while the students were working wasn't a song the assistant principal would have chosen. The radio was on 92.3fm which is a very reliable station with no swearing. Both my CT and I were a little confused at all of this.

Just after the department head left I could see the defeat in my CT's eyes. She then told me about the horrible news she received over the weekend about a friend from high school that had passed in a car accident. I couldn't believe she not only came to school but also didn't breakdown after the surprise meeting. I couldn't help but tell her about my brother and his struggles as a teacher with administration. I could see a little light in her eyes but just barely.

For the rest of the week I tried really hard to break the wall a little more between my CT and I. By Wednesday we had both been able to have a little bit of laughs and share a little more of who we were. It came as a surprise to me when she told her I was a confident person. I like to pretend that I am a confident person and somewhat confident teacher but I don't think it shows as much as I would like it to. When she told me it showed in both my overall personality and as a teacher I couldn't thank her enough. She then voiced to me about her insecurities about being a CT. I told she was doing a great job and no matter what we're in it together! It's so funny to me because I thought I was the only one with the insecurities at this point but I was wrong. We both mentioned we were merely doing what felt natural to us. I like to think it has been working out well for us.

Not only is my CT a great teacher but she is also a great mom. She is there for her two sons all the time. She tells me all the crazy stories her oldest does and says being 6 years old. He sounds like the type of kid I'd want to hang with for a day. I recently met her youngest and I can't help but want to put him in a swing and push him all day. She seems like the type to have it together but she is constantly telling me she doesn't.

I like to think this semester is going to really shape not only myself but also my CT. I feel like we are both going to be there for each other in very different ways. I hope that I will learn from her skills and that she will take away some of the confidence I never knew showed. Not only do I think we are a great match in the classroom but in general I can be myself around her. We have the same sense of humor and style. Our laugh is probably the funniest thing the students have heard separately and not together they can't get enough of it. Finally, they think we are related. When she told one of our sixth graders, "You only think we're related because we're two white ladies with curly hair" I knew it was meant to be.

EMBRACE CHANGE!

This week was definitely a week revolving around change; change in school, setting, and grade. I managed to leap from 12th to 6th grade in one weekend!

The setting at Nathan Bishop is very welcoming. This is the first school where I now eat with other teachers. I like to think this will be the school that helps me learn how to collaborate and communicate with my colleagues. This school is also going to be a huge change for me due to the timing of the periods. Coming from 88 minute block periods is one of the first jumps I will need to master; I now have about 50 minutes with each of my classes. Who gets anything done in 50 minutes?

The second jump I will need to make has to do with the grade I am teaching; I am now a 6th grade English teacher. I already know that this will be the biggest challenge for the rest of my student teaching experience. My classroom management was made easy with my last group of students because they were seniors. One look at my seniors and they knew I meant business. Now, I need to change my entire outlook on classroom management. I'm willing to make that change, however, I'm not one for raising my voice or yelling. I've already had a few moments this past week. My CT already has me leading classroom discussions and readings and I think is it extremely helpful. I know she is doing it so I can begin showing my voice to the students. It will make for an easier transition when I take over all 3 of her 6th grade classes.

I'm both excited and slightly nervous about my second part of student teaching. I know the next few weeks will be considered my assessment as a teacher. Yes, I had a voice in the high school, however, the students were older and had a mature respect for me. I now need to teach respect to my classes. They are at the age where respect needs to be taught and modeled.

This placement is also crucial for both the teacher and the student because it is the grade and age where students begin to form "good" and "bad" habits in school. What the students display next year will be a direct reflection on me as a person and a teacher. I consider that to be a huge anxiety builder and a large amount of pressure on my shoulders.

The only thing I can do over the next six weeks is not let them see me sweat, stick to my plan, and use my voice.
Challenge ACCEPTED!