Throw caution to the wind!

Week one - Check. Week one feelings - still undecided. My first week of student teaching was similar to a roller coaster ride. With high emotions and anticipation I walked into Central High School on Tuesday morning with an open mind. I also walked into an office of puzzled looking staff. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" was my greeting on my first day. Once I was able to clear my name and reasoning for being in the school so early with two hour delay I was on my way to My CTs classroom. When I entered Ms. Jackson's classroom I couldn't help but smile. I knew This classroom was going to be my home for the next several weeks. She welcomed me and gave me room to put my things away. She also put me right to work on her word wall. I began defining words the students would need to know for our dive into Orwell's 1984. Around 8:30 we began my tour. I was able to meet the neighbors of our wing and get a little "teacher chat" in for the morning. Majority of the teachers I met on the Tuesday morning we welcoming and positive individuals. I like to think it was because they knew it was my first day. My tour continued throughout the day and I learned a lot about the school and the administration. I was happy with the amount I had learned but I really wanted to see the students and get a feel for the classroom. Sadly, We didn't spend anytime in her classroom until last period. Both Research Seminars that Ms. Jackson teaches are held in the computer lab. I should also mention that both classes are 100% different. Period one is completely quiet and small. She has about 11 students in the class on a good attendance day. Her third period class, which is also lunch period, is filled with 28 students. This class is where I find my patience will be tested for the next week. I should probably mention that Central High School seniors follow a semester schedule. From September to February they are in select classes. As of February first I will have three completely new classes. My schedule will be filled with two British Literature course and one Research Seminar course. This is where my anxiety kicks in. February first is going to mirror the first day of school. The students will come into class and I will be the person in charge. I will be the one setting the tone for the rest of the year. Although I know how to approach specific situations, my fear is that I won't set the right tone. I've walked into many classrooms where the tone and expectations have been set and are followed with a great deal of respect. I have always appreciated that about my previous visits to classrooms. I am now the one who has to do the community work and it is a very overwhelming feeling. I didn't realize how nervous I would be about this change until now. However, I am not doubting myself. I know I can do it because I have been trained by the best professors to know what approach to take. My fear could also be coming from the lacking community I have witnessed from some of the teachers in the school. It wasn't until my third and fourth day that I noticed a somewhat divide and conquer atmosphere. I haven't heard much about a common planning time for the English department as a whole. Sadly, I've heard more of a separate approach to planning by grade level. This worries me because I would like to have a good relationship with the entire English department. As much as I enjoy my time with my CT, I would like to hear what happens in other English classrooms. I'm not sure if the dividing of the grade levels is the right way to create a community and collaborate among the teachers. I fear that the students notice the lack of community. Although I have my worries about the community and structure of the school I can't let that affect my energy in the classroom. I'm a real wacko truth be told. Anything and everything that I can do to keep the students engaged will happen. I think that is where my energy will come from. Student engagement and connection are going to be crucial to my teaching. Reflection is also going to be held on a high scale. Not the type of reflection where we say what we learned. We can't forget how we felt or what is reminded us of. I now know that I am the hopeful English teacher. I am the teacher that smiles even if one student gives me a head nod in the hallway. I am the English teacher that hopes she will find some substance in a classroom full of nonreaders. I am the English teacher who gets excited when a students asks for my help with their thesis. I am the English teacher that will praise The Hunger Games until the end of time. I am the English teacher that spent her weekend revising a first draft for a student who knows that her grades are important. I want to be the English teacher the students know they can go to for more than just an English question. My energy is going to come from helping my students.