So this is the end

My middle school week is over. Now what do I do?! The past week has been filled with questions, lesson planning, and more questions. Who knew seventh grades could ask so many questions? Overall, it was a very productive and successful week. I was able to meet my goals that I made going into my teaching week and then some. By Friday afternoon I was filled with a mix of emotions. I felt happy and relieved that my crazy week was over but I was also really sad that I won't see my kids anymore. It took a good four weeks to create a bond with my students, however, I MADE A BOND! I never thought it was going to happen but when they clapped for me in class when I told them about my connection to a specific theme I thouught I was going to cry. They felt the need to give me the appreciation I deserved for passing my Praxis test and making my way through practicum. The group of strangers I thought never wanted me around soon didn't want me to leave. It also made me feel really good that my CT said she would continue our lesson with all of her classes because she enjoyed it that much. Our carousel activity on theme was a big hit! Some things needed to be adjusted due to time but my co-teacher and I managed to get it together with no problems. The best part of the lesson had to be the fact that the students were getting it and thinking far outside the box. When my co-teacher came up to me and said he overheard a group talking about segregation and communities I wanted to jump for joy! The students came up with their own theories on their own and I couldn't be happier with them. I'm looking forward to Seeing the kids this Friday in their RTI play. It's going to be a good way to get closure and to see all of their hard work that they've been doing for the past three months. Helping backstage with costumes and props with definitely make for a fun afternoon at ASFMS. I want to say thank you to my CT and my co-teacher for keeping me sane and focused for the past four weeks. My time at the middle school was very chaotic and frustrating because of the schedule, short weeks, and trying to bond with the students. I wouldn't have been able to survive it all without Julie Lamarre and Emmanuel Ramos. KUDOS TO THEM!

Hopeful!

A few individual goals I have for myself this week are connecting with my students, giving clear directions, and respecting the classroom environment that the students have created. It's been a tough couple of weeks trying to connect with the students in the classroom. I think part of the difficulty connecting is because of the rotating schedule. I remember having a rotating schedule in middle school. It was a very good idea because not all the students are ready to talk about history at 8:00 every morning. When you switch things up each day, you will see a different student each time you meet. However, in the short amount of time we are in our middle school I need to find a way for the students to like me and enjoy my teaching. This week I'm going to make this work! Clear directions are definitely going to be part of the challenge in the middle school this week. High school students take directions in a very different way than the middle school students. Clear directions are not easy to come by. There always seems to be a room for error. I'm hopeful that my partner and I can make it clear to the students what they will need to do, how to do it, and why they need to do it. This also blends in with our classroom management in a middle school. The amount of energy 7th grade students have is AMAZING! IF we can hone that energy in on the lesson and not side chatting, we'll be good for the week. My last individual goal is to make sure I am respecting the classroom environment that the teacher has created. The students have specific classroom management rules, as well as, community building actions. These actions include classroom points for the day, shutouts for students, and a system called tracking (giving all of your attention to whomever is speaking in class). I guess you would call these the classroom norms. In high school the classroom norms are pretty standard: no cell phones, no talking in class, ask for a pass, and respect the teacher. In middle school, community is the center of the classroom norms. They are used to create a comfortable feeling within the classroom. A collaborative goal I have for this week in the middle school is embracing what my partner had=s to bring to the table. Emmanuel is a great teacher candidate, however, we haven't had many teaching moments in the middle school. We've done a great deal of observing and monitoring the classroom. I can't wait to see his reactions to certain situations, as well as, his overall presence center stage in the classroom. We seem to have a lot of fun doing mini lessons as a pair so I can't imagine anything less during this week of teaching. I'm hopeful that this week will continue on a good note like it did on Monday of last week. We made a break through connecting with the students. We gave directions and helped with explaining point of view. They seemed to enjoy our leading the class and I hope that continues for this week.

Is it me?

Another week has gone by at ASFMS and I'm still not sure if it's the place for me. I feel as though I have been trying to get to know the students and really work on getting in their heads but I don't think it's working. It's obvious that they don't know it all, however, I don't know if it's me that they don't need. I guess what I'm questioning for the middle school student is territory. This week the students were working on a language lesson with their teacher regarding point of view. The teacher did have a pretty interesting lesson for this, as well as, frightening. She decided to ask for help from the teachers on her team in tricking the students into thinking that their teacher was in trouble with the school. They played the "bad guy" card during the first five minutes of class. While the students were working on their vocabulary words the interruption occurred. A neighboring teacher came in through a side door and began yelling at my CT. The students had shock written all over their faces. This lasted for about 3 minutes. Once the "fight" was over, the door slam came... The next 5 minutes were wrapped up in making sure my CT was okay. Once she "calmed down" and collected herself for the class, she asked the students to write down everything they saw. She told them that she needed them to write a letter to the principal explaining the way both teachers acted. She explained to the students that she needed this letter on file for her own protection. The students agreed to write the letters and some even shared with the class. I thought this was an interesting way to develop the lesson on point of view. The students had no idea that the fight was staged. It slightly broke my heart seeing her lie to the students for the remainder of the class but I didn't want to ruin the lesson. You could see the amount of loyalty the students had for their teacher through their letters. This goes back to my thoughts on territory. Maybe the students aren't really a fan of having a student teacher in the classroom because they have a teacher. THEY HAVE THEIR TEACHER. I don't want to think of it this way but it's hard not to think that the students are brushing me off because they know I won't be there after the month ends. I can't help but respect their distance, however, I want them to know I'm not replacing their teacher. This week has left me feeling a little frustrated and defeated. I'm hopeful that this week will be different. I'm hoping to gain some of the resistors respect. I'm hoping that I'm just being paranoid because I do enjoy the middle school level.

Can I call you Fire?!

Middle school thoughts - WHAT?!?! The amount of energy these kids have is absolutely amazing. What comes out of their mouths is even more amazing. I recently had a student ask what my name was and when I replied with Miss Burns she asked if she could call me fire.... Thankfully the girl wasn't disappointed when I gave her a flat out no. There was no shame in her game either when she asked if she could call my partner rainbows. I really wonder where these kids get their ideas. The verbal comments weren't half as entertaining as the students’ narratives they were writing. I never realized the amount of kidnapping, blood, and murder middle school students could write about. While helping edit narratives I couldn't help but feel like I was in the middle of a murder mystery series that was never ending. The imagination that these seventh grade students have is INSANE! One narrative I really enjoyed could have been the first chapter of a James Patterson novel. The student made it very clear that he wanted to leave the reader with a cliffhanger. He put so much time with dialogue and describing his setting that his narrative really did come to life when I read it. I told him to make a few minor changes just so the reader doesn't get confused. The student knew why I suggested the changes and was happy that I could help his masterpiece. I do feel it is a bit harder getting to know the students at the middle school because they are so use to their teacher. Here come two complete strangers that want to know what makes them tick for the next four weeks. I can't help but feel a little frustrated going into our second week. I want them to bring their wall down like my high school students did last month. I'm hoping that this changes and they start to feel a little more comfortable with my partner and I.

Middle School Madness!

I feel like the middle school as a whole deserves a week like basketball teams do in March. MIDDLE SCHOOL MADNESS! It has a great ring to it. Not to mention all the students have such a different energy than students in high school. The kids in middle school are "creating" who they want to be for high school...I think. I could be completely wrong about that but I remember that's what I did in middle school. Then again, it's been 11 years since my middle school days so I take that back. I guess what I'm hoping to do with my middle school students is teach them that creating who you are never stops. I want them to understand that who you are in middle school isn't necessarily who you'll be in high school or in the future. This is where my idea of MIDDLE SCHOOL MADNESS comes in. We spend so much time with standardized tests, exams, and papers that we forget WHO our students are. We forget that they don't know who they are. It we could dedicate a week to showing the students we care about who they are then maybe high school won't be a battle of egos and attitude. My undercover job which in the middle schools is to really understand who the students are and what makes them tick. Of course, teaching the curriculum will also be high on my to do list but I want the students to know that I understand how crazy middle school can be. After 11 years away from the middle school experience I want them to know they aren't alone.

Being observed isn't so bad

Tuesday was the big day. Period 1 felt like it was over in 5 minutes. I felt like I wasn't given enough time to gather my thoughts but it didn’t matter. Quick on your feet was all I could think. I looked at Miss Harrington with nerves all over my face I'm sure. Ready GO! Monday was definitely a successful day with our introduction to Macbeth. We had a great discussion about fate, free will, and curses. We wanted to give the students 3 themes Macbeth has to offer. I felt great doing the lesson because it wasn't being observed. When I think about being observed I think my nerves are noticeable. I feel like everyone can hear my heart beating out of my chest. I sometimes think nothing I say makes sense because half the time it never makes sense in my head. I guess all these thoughts are incorrect because went well for the most part. Tuesday was day 2 of Macbeth but it was really day 1 of teaching. We assigned books, went over homework from the night before, and clarified and confusion the students had with the background reading from the night before. It was a typical recap. Our objectives were to start reading scenes 1-3 together. While reading the scenes, Miss Harrington and I modeled how to take notes while reading a specific text. We wanted the students to question what they didn't understand or record what they thought was interesting at that specific moment in the play. Before we could dive into Macbeth we needed some help. Asking for volunteers was almost as bad as getting your wisdom teeth taken out. There were about 5 students that volunteered before I had to pull out my on demand teacher voice, "The more willing you are to volunteer the less of a change that I pick you myself." In the words of my grandmother, "That went over like a fart in church." If you don't know what that means here is the short hand: NO ONE WANTED TO READ! Our second objective was to break the students up into groups and begin out Macbeth Jigsaw; however, time wasn't on our side. We were able to make it through to the middle of scene 3 before the bell rang. This was the part of the lesson we were hoping to get to because it would have been a bit more engaging to the students. Although the lesson took a little bit of time and patience I think it went well. When the students came in the next day they were excited to get into their groups and find out what happens to Macbeth and all the characters. Would I take a different approach to begin the reading next time - Absolutely! Not to say our approach was bad but it could have been better. I learned that sometimes what works for one class doesn't work for all of my classes. Period 1 had a great time with the way we started reading Macbeth. Even though period 2 wasn't into our approach for the lesson doesn't mean they were turned off by the play. Thankfully Miss Harrington and I had this in our favor. We switched up our thought process for the second part of the lesson in hopes that they would understand Act 1 and appreciate what we planned for them. Some of the students understood it and appreciated the Jigsaw. I think they appreciated it mostly because they were able to get out of reading the entire Act but they still learned what happened. Teaching isn’t set in stone. I can always go back and switch up whatever didn't work. Looking back on the lesson I have no complaints. I know what I need to work on to enhance student engagement - change my reading approach, look to the master students in reading, and maybe do an inquiry with my students on how they want to read the play.

Go to your corner!

FINALLY! I finally feel like what I'm doing makes sense. Friday was the day my dream, future, and life came full circle. The students needed to finish The Color of Water for the four corners activity for Friday...Which was my day! Our discussion for the class was on controversy. I knew that the students would love this discussion because they are faced with controversial issues everyday. Some of the examples they came up with on their own filled me with a rush of excitement. The shouting of Woman's Right, Gay Rights, Racism, and War seemed to be flying at me like tennis balls. Every time I was hit with an idea it took my breathe away. All of this was done before the activity and the discussion of the book. What happened next was amazing! Controversial statements were written on the board for the students to read. They were given time to think it over and then they needed to decide: Agree, Disagree, Strongly Agree, Strongly Disagree. They were then asked to go to their corners and discuss with their groups why they came up with that decision. The discussion between the groups about the book could not have been more rewarding. The students really thought about the statement and the book. One of the statements revolved around the "American Dream." This was a very black and white area for the students. By the end of the lesson, my 3-2-1 showed that students realized there are different "American Dreams" for every person. I couldn't believe my thoughts meant something to them. Friday was the most rewarding day at as a teacher. Friday everything finally made sense.

Acceptance

After a stressful week at work and on campus it was refreshing to see my students. Even though I don't get to see them as often as I would like I still enjoy the short time I have with my British Literature classes. I've noticed a few students opening up a bit more to myself and Miss Harrington. They seem to trust who we are as teachers in THEIR classroom. I guess that is what I appreciate most about them; their accepting two strangers in the middle of the quarter. I guess that's where week two has lead me; Acceptance. Friday's class revolved around chronology and the characters within the novel The Color of Water. The class was asked to split up into groups of two or three to produce character webs or a timeline. Both of the activities were to be presented as a poster to hang in the classroom. Shortly after they were settled into their groups they started work on the activity they were given. Each group was unique in their procedure for their poster. Some students needed to have every line perfectly straight. Other groups decided that the messy approach made sense due to the novels duel memoir feel. I was very impressed to see how each group not only produced fun posters but how well they worked together while doing the poster. No one was singled out and no one was left to do the work all on their own. Each group accepted their members. As I was walking around helping students with specific questions that were foggy to their understanding of the text, I noticed one group putting pictures on their poster. The girl who was drawing in the group was no artist but she didn't care. She wanted to make the poster look better by adding colorful flowers, a stick figure bride and groom, a passport, and a few other visuals for their timeline. When she was asked about the flowers she said they were there for color. When I looked at the way she had placed each flower on the timeline I couldn't help but offer an idea about them. I asked her if I could run a small idea by her group in hopes that the group would like my idea. The group accepted to listen to my small and far-fetched idea. I mentioned that because it was a timeline of a character's life that the flowers could represent the life aspect of the timeline. The character in the book faced many hardships but she never gave up in life. The flowers could easily represent the positive side of her timeline. To my surprise the group liked my idea. Even though they hadn't thought of the idea themselves they accepted my far-fetched idea with a smile and a few laughs. I couldn't help but feel proud that I opened their minds to a new thought. The acceptance of my idea just added to my outlook on acceptance in my classroom. It gives me hope that when I do teach them next week they won't shut me out for 85 minutes.

First day!

5 things I learned my first day at Central High School. 1.) I learned that block periods are kind of beneficial when it comes to teaching. 2.) I learned that they have the same schedule every single day.... (Still wondering if I like that.) 3.) I learned that in the Providence school system, students must apply to which school they want to attend for that school year. (Slightly concerned about this.) 4.) I learned that students are still trying to be sneaky and take all 3 lunches. 5.) I learned that reading is and isn't an issue in the classroom. The one thing I can't seem to get passed after my first day is the no district policy in Providence. I like and understand that students are able to choose which school they would like to attend for the year; however, this can be a sticky situation. First period starts at 8:30 and ends at 10:01. At around 9:50 a young girl walks into class and leaves a pass on the teachers’ desk. When asked why she was late to class she simply said, "I missed the bus." Thought process: -Where does this girl live? -One bus causes her to be an hour and twenty minutes late? -Does she have to walk a far distance to her bus stop? I had more questions racing through my head and I wanted to sit with the student but then class was over. I asked my CT what the policy was for the districts and school system in Providence and was shocked to find that it was really every student for themselves. Growing up where I went to school things were much different. Students knew exactly where they had to go to school because of where they lived. I believe there are still some school systems that use this rule as a means to help both the students and the parents. It's bad enough when a student has to walk to school maybe 15 minutes away, however, 30-60 minutes is really pushing it. It makes me wonder if students who take public transportation get in trouble is the bus schedule isn't on time because of the bus drivers themselves? How can we blame the students for something they have no control over? After talking to my CT about the lateness within her classroom she told me it's not that big of a deal. If it is something she notices happening over and over again she will address the situation but she understands the difficult position some of her students are in when it comes to transportation, home life, and distance. It's something to pay attention to while I'm at Central for the next month or so. All school systems are different and deserve different methods of discipline for their students when it comes to tardiness. However, as a community we need to respect the variety of unfortunate events that can and will happen on a daily basis with our students.

And so it begins!

Field work starts Monday - WHAT?!

I guess you could say I'm more than just nervous to get into the schools. Of course, I'm excited to be going out and getting a feel for what I want to do with the rest of my life but it's still scarier than a "Saw" film. I keep hearing my insecurities rambling in my brain. I should tell them to take a hike but it really wouldn't matter because I'm the biggest stress ball in the world - and not the kind of stress ball that help you to get rid of stress.

I just feel so much pressure to do both well and good.

I have to do well so I can prove to myself (not so much other people) mostly prove to myself I am capable of doing well. I've made it this far. You would think that would be proof enough but I feel as though it has been a blessing in disguise that I've made it this far. Maybe because the odds have been against me since the start of my journey.

Then there is the part of me that says, "I have to do good because I WANT to be there for my students." I want to show them that I care about them because I truly do. It's crazy that I care so much about people I've never even met. Maybe that's the hopefulness that never seems to go away in me.

When I have conversations with my friends about what types of kids I'll have in my class I always get asked about the stereotypical ":punks." You know the select few students I'm talking about; the students that keep saying over and over again in their heads, "I hate her." They always seem to ask why I want to walk into that atmosphere everyday. I always pause before I reply because I get slightly emotional when I process their thoughts and questions about my future. Although they are my friends I feel their judgment and negativity burning a hole in my core. Then I think no matter what I say I'm never going to get through to them. They will never understand why I want to do this for the rest of my life. I want to do it because I want to do good by those students. I want them to know no matter how much they "hate me" I'm going to push them as much as I'm going to push myself to do well and good.

I guess I shouldn't freak out too much until I make it into the school. It's hard not to freak out because this is it. It's the end of the beginning.

Recently I've been focusing on a lot of music to calm my nerves. There has been a lot of Lupe Fiasco and Ellie Goulding in my life but one song that really puts things into perspective for me is from B.o.B. His song "Both of Us" from his most recent album features Taylor Swift and touches upon the question and thoughts we have about life from day to day. The struggles of life seems to be the theme behind the song. Monday morning this is going to be the song I play on repeat.

"But if it's all for one, and one for all, then maybe one day, we all can ball. Do it one time for the underdogs."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sa9qeV6T0o&feature=branded